I have decided to start a new feature on my blog. Every Friday, I will feature someone or something that deserves to eat a big bag of dicks- whether it be because they did something stupid, said something stupid, wrote something stupid, etc (really any combination of dumb/stupid people/things qualify). You get it. So, without further ado, I present to you the first bag of dicks award... and it goes to...
M Y G I R L F R I E N D !
Yes, my girlfriend. At first I thought maybe I'd award it to Anne Coulter, but every queer rights org is doing a pretty good job of awarding her their own personal brand of bagged dick so I'll lay off. Back to my girlfriend, she's been gone the entire week and her absence has totally fucked up my routine. For one thing, no bone! I know couples can go for days, even weeks (!), without sex, but we aren't lame and straight. I shouldn't say that. I'm sure their are tons of heteros fucking all over town, all the time. You see what sex deprivation does to me!? Makes me mean and insolent. I'm sorry my straight brothers and sisters. Where was I? Oh, another thing about my girlfriend being away- I never realized how much easier life is when you have someone else doing half of the mundane housekeeping/organizing stuff. Unloading the dishwasher, loading it, making the bed, sweeping, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash, taking out the recycling, grocery shopping, etc, etc while TOTALLY alone is some depressing shit! What else? I guess that's about it. See what little can qualify you to receive this award? Better watch out!
