Wednesday, June 6, 2007

bike culture ALWAYS for sale

(Sorry, in advance, for sounding a bit dry/preachy, I'm usually just like every other snarky, unhappy, New York loser that sits around and pretends not to care about anything, while eating Frito's and watching Flavor of Love on my couch... seriously...)

If you are as obsessed with all things bike, like me, you might remember a little over a year ago, Brooklyn Industries engaged in some "edgy" advertising. Specifically, they had a spring window display at their Brooklyn store that featured tall bikes or mutant bikes. Tall bikes, made from recycled/discarded bikes stacked on top of each other, are mobile commentaries on waste and excess. Rusty relics of consumerism... on wheels! The irony of the advertisement was bittersweet and shortly lead to an prominent, permanent acid scrawled decree, "Bike Culture Not 4 Sale", most probably perpetrated by a member of Brooklyn's own Black Label Bike Club.


Yesterday, as I was walking around SoHo, I couldn't help be reminded of this incident when, within a few block radius, I came across these two window displays...


One at Camper: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


And one at Stussy: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket



Let me start by saying, I understand and support promoting eco-friendly transportation methods and Bike Month and, in most circumstances, proceeds from a store's sales benefiting certain bicycle advocacy groups or programs. I have found no evidence of this being the case with Camper and Stussy, please feel free to email me if you've found anything to the contrary. So, what this leads me to is that, when it comes to trying to sell your product to the public as a super hip, have-to-have item (whether it be shoes or shirts or bags) why are bikes being used to grease the wheels- pardon the pun- of commerce? When did advertisers decide to use bikes, shamelessly, as tools of product plugging and pumping? Specifically specialty bikes like tall bikes, fixed gear/track bikes and chopper bikes?

Bikes are cool. They are fun to ride and make and fix and crash. So, can we put a stop to the slow transformation of bikes into symbols of brutish mercantilism? And how?











UPDATE (6/10/07): Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

HA! (thanks to whoever posted this on bike forum)

UPDATE (6/13/07): Reaction to this post from good friend, rad cyclist and active member of the messenger comunnity, Dagga, and it goes as follows (unedited, fools):

"i for one remember the stunt that b.i. pulled last year and remember being amused both by the ad and commentary afterward. As an active member of the messenger and bike scene, honestly i'm torn when it comes to companies and their use of bike culture to promote whatever. On the one hand, it is important to remember that bikes are a business thatneeds to be promoted in order to be sold, to keep the culture alive and accessible to people. Also important is how high end of a culture, cycling really is and when more mainstream companies put out the word , it brings people who would not necessarily know what's going on into the light; which in my opinion is pretty necessary. However there is something to be said about the exploitation of the bike. B.i. went too far with the tall bike they are a part of the scene that revels in its obscurityand has ties to gangs that promote self sufficiency with regard to clothing, transport and healthy living; which made it totally against everything that b.i. was trying to do with the bike. with regard to camper and stussy- i've seen both windows and well... not too sure what camper is trying to pull, it seems though in going with their style they are still trying to go for the baby boomers. Many of them have toddlers on those little wooden bikes. But honestly ad, shoe and bike alike are not practical for true cyclists. Stussy however is up on their shit - they teamed up a while ago with about two fixed gear specific clothing companies and have put out gear. Long known for its place on the surfing scene it seems like they are trying their luck with the bikers, which is cool i guess. They have definitely teamed up with a small shop in baltimore called "shop,gentei" and put out some shirts. gentei is pretty commited to the messenger scene as they are run by and cater to messengers. They put on races and other events that definitely keep the culture alive. I'm not sure but they might also have done stuff with cadence clothng based out of cali, i'm not sure about that one so don't quote me on it. But one thing that i have learned on the bike scene is that it does need that extra support from major companies sometimes. There are definitely boundaries that have to be respected, but its always nice to have friends in high places. If stussy wants to team up with smaller companies regarding designs that help small business profit, more power to them for giving the cyclist a bit more power; but if its just a bike display to jump on a culture that people are beginning to respect, thats pretty wack. thats pretty much what i think of that. "

Keep the reactions coming folks!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Saturday, May 26, 2007

TONIGHT!

Kid Sister at Canal Room. With The Rub. If you're not a total Tori Lamos, you'll go.

Friday, May 11, 2007

What I do with my Best Friend!!

Make fun of the dumb and E! obsessed... in the most drawn out, most elaborate way possible...


From: William ______ <_______@gmail.com>
hide details

May 10 (23 hours ago)
To: jacquegawker@gmail.com
Date: May 10, 2007 5:13 PM
Subject: CLUBBING 2night???


"wt'sup! OMG, I totally drove your sister back 2 the city today from T-town, she had so many funny stories to tell me! Did you hear that Michael and Cindy broke up, and after he moved to New York! Also, she saw a fat guy at a party once. OMG, also a guy from her building is totally funny, and you should meet him or so she tells me. Totally call me. what ru doing 2night, we should go clubbing, I am sooo out of school!!!! DRINKING!!"


From: jacquegawker@gmail.com
To: William ______
Date: May 10, 2007 9:22 PM
Subject: Re: CLUBBING 2night???

"OMG!!! whut ru ^ 2? let's tots go out and get a bottle of pino! or some cosmoz!! lolololo!! I luv u. 143 4eva!!"

"Seriously tho i know sum1 who can get us into 'bitchbar' on that street that doesn't have a name that that guy from England built to house his mansion and secret underground nightclub- it's somewhere near Wall Street on the river, but you totally have to know someone and my friend Whitney totally knows the bouncers sisters manicurist! CLUBBING 2NIGHT!!!!! "

"i heard that that place iz like so BORING!! and that only trashy freshmen girls from nyu get in because they are blowjob machines. i read in US weekly that linz lohan wouldn't even take her dog to shit in that piece of shit club. let's go 2 nobu and get some california rolls (yumz!) and shrimp tempura rolls (double yumz!) and friend chicken rolls (ultimate YUMZ!) and then head to BED!!! BTW!!! FYI!!!! john told me he tots wants to get back 2gether w/ u & will do whateva it takes, aside from actually doing anything that involves any effort at all!! aside from date raping you that one time (YOU BLOW EVERYTHING OUT OF PROPORTION!!! hahajkhjk lolol, not really!!) hes sooooooo sweet, you should totally give him another chance?! PLUS he can pick us up 2 night!!"

"OMG HE HAS A CAR NOW? i TOTALLLLY WANT HIM!

WHAT'S A BLOWJOB MACHINE AND WHERE CAN I BUY ONE? cALI rolls are so gross, I like tuna tar tar but well done. srislu tho it's totally friday and we should get tanked, i mean seriously! i didn't want to tell you right away to jinx it, but i just got the call and I got this really highpaying job at NYMAG which they never EVER give to people just out of college, but this woman I met at a bar and accidentally on purpose spilled my coffee on was so taken by me because I made this joke about Gordon Matta-Clark that referred to a really old issue of NYMAG that she offered me the job on the spot, and they're going to start paying me half-salary now every week until Labor Day so that I can write until the summer's over. They're sending me to the South of France and all I have to do is send them one column every month that they'll print no matter what I right. And this morning I was getting a cup of coffee on the UES and I bumped into Woody Allen, literally bumped him (he;s soooo small!) and he looked at me really weird and I was shocked because it was him! and he said that he could tell just by looking at me that I'd be perfect for his new movie that's shooting in June in....YOU GUESSED IT, the South of France, and the shoots only three weeks, and I'm playing opposite Sco Jo, and she's newly single and Woody said he thought she and I would really hit it off, so he set up dinner for us tonight in the Plaza, which technically isn't open yet, but there's this restaurant on the rooftop that's only open by invite and it's run by this super brilliant Spanish chef who was retired but now he's only cooking 12 dinners a year on the roofs of beautiful buildings all over the world. How nice is Woody? Anyway, I gotsta pack. OMG do u want to help me pick out an outfit for my dinner with Scarlett? OH wait sorry, nvrmind, I'm going to use this certificate that flew into my window when I opened it for a complete free wardrobe custom designed by Tom Ford from his new store, and I called to see if they could hook me up on such short notice and they're totally free today... TTYL!! LUV U!!! XOXOOXOXOXOX"


"OMG! U R such a lucky slutbag!! I would suck so much cock 2 write 4 NYMAG! JKJK! seareslee though, did you suck a lot of cock b/c ur not even that good a writer! JKJK!!!! south of france is so bangin' this time of year, my friend's brother's father in-law has an amazing yacht that the HILTONS (!!!!!) rent from him wheneva they are there. maybe when paris gets out of the slammer she'll go and like get totally wasted! btw, i'm righting her everyday she is in jail to show solidrity. i 1der if she will be able to get nesquik (and I don't mean strawberry milk) in there?!?!? SPEAKING OF NESQUIK!! what r we doing 2night? GOING AWAY PARTY!??! we should tots go to ur old, fav restaurant red lobster and remeber the days when that's all u could afford be4 u bcame a big shot slut @ NYMAG!!"

"O
M
G


U R totalys the slut! Srsly if u call me a slut again I'll get my lowyer (sp?? I dunno) I know that yacht ur talking about, but it's tots shit it's barly a salboat. those peops are tots poor. w-port is like the place to be, if u cant get to South of France which is tots bangin!

Ummm, seriously...this kind of talk is making me ill now."



Friday, May 4, 2007

America, FUCK YEAH!!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Get your buster bat [what the fuck is a buster bat?] today and take justice in your hands. Beat the heck out of this evil man! Join the war on terrorism and kill Bin Laden! Nothing better than a Bin Laden pinata to blow away terrorist scum bags! Now that you've got Bin Laden under a buster bat don't miss the chance to bust his head off!

- OsamaBinLadenPinatas.com (seriously, go to this webpage)

Yes, your eyes are working properly. That, my friends, is an Osama Bin Laden PINATA! And it's making its way to my house as we speak. Oh man, I'm going to get so pumped beating the shit out this thing and then once it's reduced to a pussy cardboard/toliet paper pulp, use it to wipe away my freedom shits. AHHHH! My brain just exploded red, white and blue all over my computer screen!!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Homeless Vagina

On Friday night, I headed out to Williamsburg to see Japanther. For those of you who don't know who Japanther is or what they sound like, shame on you. Japanther (Ian Vanek and Matt Reilly) is easily some of the best noise rock/punk music out today. Yikes, could that sound any lamer? Trust me though, they're good. The show was originally set to be held in the Sugar Factory, a super flossy nightclub, on South 2nd and Kent. But, alas, problems with the management arose and the show was moved to a much cooler/intimate, albeit much smaller, space next door. No stage separated the bands from the audience, which gave it that fun friend's basement-type authenticity.

The first band, Jason Anderson and the Best was totally not bad. They were full of energy, Jason Anderson had a great scream, there was dude on the sax!! AND a cute girl on the tambourine! All-in-all a great way to start the night. After their set, I grabbed a beer, met up with a rad bro, Jah Jah and his rad bro Thomas, drank more beer and sparks (mistake), and waited for Japanther. When they came on, I was right up front. Dudes and Dudettes started getting raucous and fun and within, what felt like, 50 seconds, someone had started surfing. I got kicked in the face and was sufficiently drunk enough to not care.

What I did care about though was what was standing next to me, easily the smelliest person in Brooklyn. Literally, the smell that was wafting off of this person could had killed a much smaller, weaker person. The aroma was a mix of bad vag and homeless, so I guess you could say, homeless vag? I know what you're thinking, "Jacque, what smells were you expecting at the punk show filled with sweaty crusties? Fresh baked cookies or lilac?" No, no I wasn't. I just didn't expect to be hit in the face with the olfactory equivalent of a baseball bat. And I was! As I was dancing (the ultimate bro has NO rhythm and therefore dances like a itchy, epileptic chicken) the source of the stink was moving closer and closer to my person. Let me describe what the homeless vagina looked like, a white guy, a little taller than me (5'6"? 5'7" maybe?), with a pubey, gnarly mess of facial hair, fingerless gloves (woof!), big grandma-esque looking glasses that were probably not prescription (does that make them worse or better? in any case, double woof!) and, to top it all off, the grossest nest of poo locks I have ever seen. Long, scraggly and clearly the source of smell. Short aside here, what is it about white kids and dreads? Are you a rastafarian? No, you're not. You are lazy and hate Mom and Dad and the rest of us and are punishing our eyes and noses. At one point he was whipping them around so frantically, they were precious centimeters away from my own face. I felt like Ben Stiller in that shitty movie when he plays basketball with a sweaty, hairy dude. Only plus like a thousand, tiny bugs.

I spilt before the next band, teen sensation/ultimate shtickers Harry and the Potters played. Because I don't like Harry Potter (or a so-so band riding that wave for all it's worth), but also out of fear of being infected by whatever Sir Homeless Vag McPoolocks was surely spreading.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

the ultimate bromancer and possible puppy hawker?

My resume should be featured under the "Symptoms" section of bi-polar disorder in the latest edition of the DSM. But I figure I need money and I like hanging out with rad, little puppies- so it's kind of perfect, no?

Before you answer, let me tell you how this opportunity presented itself...

I was walking around yesterday, feeling "eh." Usually when I feel "eh" a few things cheer me up: sex, buying something I really want but don't need, or high fiving puppies at Le Petite Puppy on Christopher Street. Sex was out of the question, my girlfriend was working under major deadline. Buying something I really want, but don't need sounded good, but alas NO CASH! So, onto the puppy store it was. I usually roll on by once a week, play with a fun dog, talk to it about doggy pizza and beer, and think about a life (with a dog of my own) filled with human pizza/beer, puppy pizza/beer and T.V. Ah, bro and dog. So sweet. But, yesterday when I went in, before I said anything, the owner flat out asked, "When are you going to come and work for me?" Stoked and shocked, I said I'd have to think about it. He gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him at the end of the week to let him know what I decided.

I think I might try it out.